I LOVE being a mom. Love it, adore it, and am so so so so grateful for what a blessing it is. I wouldn't trade those angels of mine for anything. Being a mom is seriously the best job in the entire world but it is also easily the hardest thing I have ever done.

There are times when... you just need to get away.
I am also grateful for the opportunity my husband and I had to go out, just the two of us.  It was much needed and I greatly appreciate my mom and her willingness to take on two crazies while Jeff and I spent some good quality time together.
It was AMAZING.  We sat down to eat dinner together and... there was no arguing about veggies, no food hurled in my direction, no screaming, no whining, no crying, no food on the walls OR floor, no spilled beverage of any kind and... It's nice to have a meal like that every once in a while.
Sometimes it's nice to be able to sit down and eat.

Sometimes I'm tired and I think it'd be nice if I didn't have to fight the bedtime battle, just every now and then.  Kids putting themselves to bed? HA! Not likely, though it has happened once (we were on our way home from Southern Utah and didn't get in until 10:30 pm.  Both girls just crawled into bed without any fuss).
 I have created quite the bedtime routine for my kids.  Usually I LOVE it, we  get jammies on, have snack/milk time, read books together, then we have scripture stories, family prayer, brush teeth, go potty, song time, personal prayers, snuggles, talking about our day, and finally kisses goodnight.  Sometimes I get grief about my crazy routine but guess what?  I usually love it, sometimes I'm tired and don't feel up to it and I'll leave a few things out but when I mostly stick to the routine my kids are pretty stinkin good at staying in bed once I put them there.  For that I am endlessly thankful.  That 2 hours in between their bedtime and mine is SO needed. Whether it is to finally sit down and tackle a project I've been meaning to do, or simply to relax.

I think as humans, all imperfect, and all likely to make mistakes, we need to give each other a break.  There have been times when my child will act out in public and I get judgemental glares, as if the fact that my child isn't an angel 100% of the time must reflect on how successful I am as a parent. My toddler is having a temper tantrum so I must be a bad parent. 
No, the fact that my child is having is temper tantrum is a good indicator that I will not give in, especially in response to a fit.  I will not buy my child a toy simply because she cries if I don't.  I will not buy that snack I'd rather not have in my home simply to appease a screaming child. What would that reinforce?  If I cry and scream, I get what I want. Nope not my kids.  I distract them the best I can, sometime successfully sometimes not but I do the best I can. Sometimes I wish I could just somehow let those who are glaring at me and my crying child know... we;re trying.
Working SO hard to try and get it right.  I'm not even close perfect, but dang I try to be.

Someone after being with Kylee for a few hours felt it necessary to tell me "She is quite the little brat."  Sure, she can be a little mischievous but as my grandma would always say "she's only acting her age" she's two.  Two-year-olds aren't always angels, I'm sorry.  This girl had no idea, but I sat in my car and just bawled.  Because someone called my sweet Kylee a brat and I don't care what the situation I will not tolerate my child to be mistreated (she was so eager for me to hold her, and I worry she had been mistreated the entire time I was away), because I feel my children are a direct reflection of myself, and because dangit! I am doing the absolute best I can to teach her.
I beat my brains out to try and raise these kids right.  
It seriously broke my heart (and perhaps was magnified by pregnancy hormones).  As I sat in the car crying over this, trying to get composure enough to drive, my little "brat" said, "Oh, mommy come here. Don't cry"  I got out of the drivers' seat and gave her a hug, I did not want her to think she did anything wrong.  When I gave her a hug she gently stroked my face and said, "don't worry, don't worry, it ok." :)
Of course my 4-year-old was upset too, truly I don't fall apart often but whenever I do my kids start crying too. I explained again that it was nothing either of them had done, that I was just sad and had a bad day.  Katie begged, "ok but pleeeeeease don't cry ever again."

I know not everyone judges; part of the problem is being a mom is hard and sometimes I feel completely inadequate. My patience slips when it shouldn't and I judge myself pretty harshly.  If I feel that judgement coming from any other direction besides myself, I come down that much harder on myself.
 I can't help but think "_____ can handle her 5 kids alone at the store, why do I struggle so much with my two?"

If you have any tips to surviving grocery shopping PLEASE let me in on the secret.  Kylee has taken up the habit of tossing things out of the cart and throwing the most insane temper tantrums.  Something about the store, she finds something she wants, I say no for one reason or another and all heck breaks loose.
 Katie, though I can't definitively say it was her, is very good at sneaking random things into my cart.  I'll come home with stickers I do not remember seeing, random cans of food (what the heck can I do with corned beef hash?), and other items of food I've never considered buying.

As crazy and mind bogglingly hard as this mommy gig is... I wouldn't trade it for anything. Not Anything!
Yes, sometimes I need to get away and be kids free for a few hours. Just long enough to miss them usually does the trick.  It is crazy to me how liberating a simple trip to the grocery store alone can feel.  Sometimes that's all I need.

Let me again say, I love being a mom. It can be mentally and emotionally draining and just really hard and yes... I need a break on occasion but I love it.

I love sneaking into their rooms at night when they are sleeping and tucking them in one last time and stealing one last kiss before I head off to bed.

I love chasing away bad dreams and snuggling up with sweet children in the middle of the night.

I love that they run to me when they are hurt or afraid. I love that I get to be the one to make it better.

I love playing "house" with my girls. They like to pretend I am the baby and they are the mom or babysitter (they take turns). It's so fun to watch their sweet maternal instincts as they make sure "baby" is happy. I usually end up with every blanket and stuffed animal in the house. 

I love their giggles, squeals of delight, and gasps as I read to them. I love that they beg for more books.

I love how they love each other and are pretty inseparable where ever they go (usually).

I love how they look out for each other. When one is in timeout the other will sneak into the corner and try to cheer up her sister. (I put a stop to that for more serious infractions but... sometimes it's too sweet to stop).

I love how when I am at my wits end with the house, laundry, dishes, fighting children, financial stresses and all other things that tend to build up, my girls are very aware when their mom is about to lose it. I love how my two year old strokes my face and tells me "don't worry mom, don't worry" (if you could just hear that sweet voice of hers you would melt) and how my four-year-old will wrap me up in a warm hug and tell me I'm the bestest mommy ever when I need to hear it most.

I love those sweet voices. I laugh every time I hear my two-year-old belting out songs as loudly and happily as she can.

I love watching them dance.

I love when they say "mom (or dad) watch this!" and simply jump, run, somersault, or twirl around. I love how they are just so proud that their bodies can do these incredible things; they just have to share it.

I love all the crazy questions my 4-year-old will come up with. I've learned A LOT of random facts as I have had to do some research to answer her questions.
I love how everything is fresh, exciting and new to them.
I love hearing them pretend play.  I love listening and watching those little imaginations at work.
I love how their faces light up when we praise them for even the simplest of things.
 

I love my children and will always love my children no matter how insane things get.  I adore them and feel honored for the opportunity I have to raise these sweet spirits.

 Sister love :)

 Katie is pretty good at entertaining herself anywhere.  Here she is keeping herself happy as we wait for her uncle and new wife to come out of the temple

 As I said, my two girls are often inseperable 

 Silly Kate

 Love her face!  Everything is exciting and new

 My little water worm at her birthday party

 Birthday party time!!!!!

 Not a particularly fancy cake but...

I'd say it was still a hit with the girls :) If it has frosting and sprinkles, they are happy little girls

Spring/summer

Wow am I bad at this or what?

The last few months have been sort of an emotional roller coaster. These pregnancy hormones are really getting to me this time around. So I'm warning you, I Emily Bennett, who never cries more often than 3-4 times a year, even during my previous pregnancies, am an emotional wreck.

If I feel an extremity of any emotion, I will cry and I am sorry to those who will feel awkward as a result. 
If you make me really really happy, I'll cry. If something happens to make me even the littlest bit sad... I'll bawl uncontrollably. I can not stop it once it starts.

Angry... ok you actually have to make me really angry but yes, that'll make me cry too. Tired... I'll cry. Overwhelmed... Yep more tears. Sorry it can not be helped, believe me I have tried.  It's embarrassing sometimes.

When I cry, I can't communicate super well. I just start blubbering and no one can understand me, so sometimes my poor husband is stunned and clueless as to what I am crying about. He is not used to me being like that.  

Jeff has started another semester and its just crazy. He is good at making time for us but still... I miss him. I really really would love some alone time with him in the not so distant future. 

When we last visited my in-laws my sweet mother-in-law took the kids so we could get out for a day date and it was much appreciated. 

Still... that was back in April and I'm dying to do it again. One day I'd like to (when I can afford a sitter) do weekly dates, or at least biweekly dates with my sweet hubby. We'll figure something out.

I am nearly 17 weeks pregnant and am just starting to feel better. I don't need Zofran anymore. Yay!

 I still can't eat anything more than small portions or any sweets at all but, my goodness I am so much better.

I only have to try a little hard to drink water :)

Kylee has become such a little daddy's girl. When Jeff tells Kylee no it breaks her heart. She is used to me being the bad guy but if the bad guy is daddy... her poor heart just can't take it. Anyway the other day I overheard Katie lecturing her dad who (gasp) told Kylee no.  I think whatever she was doing, she nearly broke his laptop, so he was perhaps a bit louder or more stern than normal. That broke her sweet tender heart.

This is what Katie said,

 "I'm very disappointed at you, you hurt my sisters feelings when you got mad at her. You need to say sorry or mommy will give you a time out."

A few minutes later she sighs, "he disobeyed me. He didn't say sorry to her. That makes me feel sad"

Silly kid.

Katie hates that Jeff has to go to school (what she doesn't realize is when school is finally over he still will have to work and will be gone for 5 months after he graduates for a officer training course...oh well, we'll cross that bridge when it comes).

She likes to help him though. She'll get in the fridge and pull out the things she knows he uses for his lunch. She actually gets frustrated when she doesn't get to pack his lunch.

She LOVES to feel like she is helping. She'll cook with me, and help me clean the bathrooms. She LOVES the praise.

Anyway Jeff was about ready to head out the door for school and Katie was trying to be helpful by getting his back pack for him. It's super heavy and has his laptop inside.

I saw her triumphant grin as she awkwardly carried the back pack towards her dad and then she lost grip and we watched in horror as it crashed to the ground. No one yelled at her or said anything at all, but she knew his laptop was in there, and she knew how careful we are around that and how many times we warned her not to carry her dad's heavy back pack.

It was heartbreaking to see how that triumphant face fell into... I can't even describe it as anything but completely heartbreaking. 

She felt so bad, and she just bawled. She didn't want to be comforted because she just felt so awful.

So my pregnant self fought tears because I saw how heartbroken this sweet girl of mine was, who was only trying to help. I tried to comfort her and tell her it was an accident and we weren't angry. But the fact that I was crying despite my best efforts did not make her feel any better. 

Goodness as parents do you ever wonder if things like that hurt them forever? I sure do! 

 Ok, picture time  this is what my mornings are like now. Katie wakes me up bright and early every morning with snuggles. I can not imagine a better way to wake.

Ok, so Kylee sometimes is totally a momma's girl until I say no, and then not so much

Our day at the zoo. It was fun, but dang half the zoo is under construction 

This is a picture of me drawn by my little Katie. Apparently I'm balding up top ;)

The splash park. Katie LOVES it and will jump right in. Kylee however is not a fan. She likes pools, and puddles but if it splashes in her face she does not like it (she would not step foot on the wet cement for fear of getting splashed)

I may be a bit biased, but the man I married is the best husband/father I could ever imagine. He doesn't ever sit and watch the kids play. No, he has to get in on the playing. It's so funny to see. (I do a little bit of both but I am just not as fun as their dad ;) )

Katie snuck out of the house and took a bad fall. She was running back and forth on the cement and our dog just started going nuts. I looked outside and my poor girl was layed out on the ground screaming.

I had to cancel a dental appointment because her little mouth was just so swollen.

I am tempted to put my kids in helmets all of the time but I'm told they'd get made fun of ;)

That's it for us.

Hope you enjoyed and if not... too bad. It's a good way to keep a record of our sweet family

My sweet girls

I know the whole world knows by now that I've been sick with this pregnancy.
I am a wimp and a complainer, I fully admit. Poor husband of mine. But he really has been great to be patient, loving, and helpful even though he is starting up the next two weeks of finals, presentations, practicals, and oral exams (and LOTS of them).
I have tried to keep my kids happy and entertained. We took them to Nickel Mania with my husband, mother-in-law, and her younger sons on Friday. The kids had a blast and it made me happy not to keep them cooped up in the house like I've been tempted to do.

Saturday we went to a Easter Egg hunt on Jeff's side of the family. Again the kids had a blast. I forgot my camera, which was too bad because they were so cute.
Kylee found a lolly pop and was done. That was literally the only thing she wanted.
Katie went for a bit longer, but of course she had to break out a lolly pop while she was looking. It was fun. They always do such a cute job with it and I like that we've made it a tradition to attend. I feel like we neglect Jeff's extended family (and we do... I STILL don't know everyone's name... bad Emily they live in Utah so I have no excuse). They're all so nice and I wish we got to see them more, so I could get to know them more (if there is an event you are planning tell ME not my husband or I likely will never hear about it ;) ).
My girls have been angels while I've been sick. Today after lunch I had to run to the bathroom (eating anything rarely goes well). Usually when I'm getting sick, Katie keeps Kylee away and gives me a hug when I'm done and tells me she's sorry I'm sick all the time.
Today she followed me into the bathroom, knelt beside me and rubbed my back. When I was done she looked at me and said, "Mommy, I hate that you're sick all of the time. Can you please ask the baby in your tummy to stop making you sick? It's breaking my heart."
It's nice to see tender moments from her because I've been discouraged about her increasing sassiness. The last few weeks she has really really tried to be kind and helpful. She tried to do dishes one morning, she tells me to rest (though sometimes that is just a ploy to get me away so she can sneak some candy for her and her sister).
Water makes me gag for some reason so getting fluids hasn't been easy. I literally have to force myself and fight the urge to... get sick. Katie knows this, so she'll get water bottles and mix little individual punch mix things in for me to surprise me (its makes it a little easier to drink, but I normally don't like punch so as soon as I'm done with this baby sickness it'll be back to my normal favorite drink... water). When ever I get sick she reminds me when I drink that punch it helps me not throw up so much.
I am SO thankful for my amazing kids. Part of me wonders if my being sick is Heavenly Father showing me I am not doing such a terrible job with my kids after all. It really had shown me what amazing little children they are. I just hope this doesn't last too much longer.
I really do feel like a crummy mom. I don't have as much energy to play. Cooking meals is... horrible so the microwave and canned foods have been my friend. I can't wait until that's gone because my kids haven't been eating great.
I'm grateful that I've seen another side to my kids but I am SO ready to be well again.
Maybe four more weeks? We shall see, I can hope.

January... thus far has been pretty great. We kicked off (technically Dec 31) with a fabulous New Years Eve party. It ended at 8, when most people's begins... I still wanted happy children Jan 1st so their bedtime didn't change. Mean?  Maybe but honestly my kids didn't mind.  They were just pleased about the party.  Particularly Katie, I let her plan all the activities

She called it our "Pizza, Pajama, Jungle Safari, pillow fight, games, and snack party"

 I admit, Katie didn't plan the games other than saying she wanted to have games at her party.  This is the "flour game" you cut the flour with a knife trying not to knock down the coin that is placed on top of the "flour cake".  Whoever knocks it down gets to push it off the plate with their nose.

 Katie was actually the one who knocked the penny down but, it made her feel bad and she started to cry so I volunteered (or more was volunteered by my dear husband, thanks Jeff ;)  ) and she was happy after that.

 Kylee was irritated with me for having a dirty face so I had to clean it right away

 The pillow fight (the tents behind were for the "jungle safari" portion... Katie's idea)

 One of Katie's favorite games: I Can Do, Can You?

it's from an old sunbeam book I used to have that had activities to correspond with the lessons.  I knew it would come in handy when I had young children of my own.  I've been glad I held on to some of my old Sun Beam stuff.

 and "Happy New Year" at 8 O'clock and then bedtime for kiddos.  I ended up reading until midnight.  Boring?  Not to me ;)

 Getting ready to welcome home uncle Jeremy from his mission :)

 Katie worked very hard on the banner.  She was proud of her work :)

 (Jeremy is in the middle)

 At the airport.  YAY JEREMY IS HOME!!! Does she not look THRILLED?  (Actually this was when she was going up and down on the escalator but I thought it captured the sentiment better than other pictures)

 Katie was invited to a Rapunzel birthday party and she had a BLAST.  They had the cutest little party favors, to include this Rapunzel hair that she rarely took off until the following week :)

 Things are pretty good here.  Its fun to see the girls becoming such good friends

Kylee and "Dee" (that's what Kylee calls her) reading together.  Isn't that the sweetest thing ever?  I think so :)